I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
