Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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