i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
