You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
