i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
