why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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