Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
