I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
