ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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