i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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