He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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