Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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