The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
