The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
