i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
