just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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