I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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