My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
