I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
