Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
