I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
