Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
