Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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