He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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