Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
