She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
no you cant smoke seaweed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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