I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
