it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
