and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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