I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's paint friendship bongs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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