so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Someone signed my nipple.
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