Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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