dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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