i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
