is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
