somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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