just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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