She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
