so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
