i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
