Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
