We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
