I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
