So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
