4 words: hood of his car
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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