i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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