do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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