those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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