I feel like abortions should bother me more
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
