my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
