Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
