She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
