I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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