Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
