well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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