How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
