I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
