Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
